Anyone still out there?

Yes, it's been almost exactly 5 months since I set foot on this blog. Sad, I know. Catching up on some of my old blogs I've missed so much and well frankly there has been a lot happening on my end too. I now have 2 year olds. CRAZY! We're about to make another move. On and On. I hope I'm back for a while but we'll see where the road leads. I want to update on everything soon. But one of the main reasons I came back is because lately I had been thinking about some of the most stressful times in my life and how I managed to cope with those times. I started the blog when we were just about to embark on infertility treatments. A friend had encouraged me to get online and start a blog and go from there. I've met some amazing women through this blog! And found some of the most amazing encouragement and support through it. I honestly, don't know how well I would've done without putting my feelings into words. And recently, I've found that I need that kind of support and encouragement again.

About 2 1/2 months ago while laying bed one night I laid my hand down on my belly and felt a little "knot". Naturally, I pressed around on it and poked, it was definitely a little knot and even made Dalyn feel. But didn't think much of it and blew it off, vowing I would see a doctor soon. Several weeks went by and I had to make an emergency trip to WNC to take care of my grandmother who was having knee surgery. While there this little "knot" start hurting me. With some convincing from Dalyn, my grandmother and my best friend I decided it was time to have it checked out. On such short notice the only place I really had to option of going was urgent care. After a little poking and pressing by the doctor, she confirmed that yes she felt a "knot" there too. She recommended I go have an ultrasound done just to see what was going on. Fast forward.....ultrasound didn't show anything, she recommended I have a CT. Since I was headed back to ENC in a few days I decided I'd hold off and have a CT done there. Fast forward again.....3 weeks after arriving home I FINALLY decided to see a doctor here and get that CT done. Fast forward through that and an MRI and no for sure sound diagnosis and I'm left with a tumor. Yes, I typed it TUMOR. I seen a surgeon a week or so ago who can't tell me what it is but that it has to come out. He can't tell me that its cancer but he can't tell me its benign. He can't tell me what it is or is not. So I'm left with endless amounts of questions without answers. The surgeon told me the surgery is going to be painful. They are going to take muscle and fascia and the entire tumor out. He wants to error on the side of "worst case" and by doing that it requires him to take as much as he needs to out. I will have a hospital stay and won't be able to life my kids for at least 2 weeks. I decided with all this information it was probably a good idea to get a second opinion. So I'm off to get a second opinion tomorrow. Although, my feelings are he's probably going to tell me the same thing.

Bombshell?? Yes. I know you all were probably thinking I was going to tell you I was pregnant or some amazing news like that. But well, life happens. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a ball of mess. I go from worried to scared to okay to happy to sad or anxious or nervous to about to fall of the edge. I'm trying my best to just go day by day. But even that hasn't been enough. So while Dalyn and I were talking about ways to cope the other night, he brought up my blog and my hearts been pulled ever since then. So here I am. And I feel like it's where I should be. Hopefully, I'll find the same amazing support and encouragement to know that I"m not alone in my journey. If nothing else just please say a prayer for me and my family.