Humbled By the Grace of God

So for the past week I've found myself in ever constant complaint. My head hurts, my hip hurts, my back hurts, my boobs hurt, I can't sleep. On and On and On!! But this morning after waking up and complaining that I was tired of not sleeping more than two hours something hit me. I got up without saying another word, went and took my shower and prayed. I all of the sudden remembered how desperately I've prayed for a child for the past two years. I remembered how jealous I was of everyone around me who got pregnant so easily. I remembered how desperately I wanted to feel those pregnancy pains. I remembered all the tears I cried with each passing month. I remembered how I use to blame God for not blessing me with a child. And then I remembered all those women out there, many of them friends, who were still in those shoes and who still longed to be pregnant. And I cried. I have felt so amazingly blessed throughout this pregnancy so far but I think its easy to lose sight and take what you've been through for granted. I from this day forward will never take an easy day of pregnancy for granted. I will love, endure and cherish every ache or pain. I have begged, cried, longed and prayed to be here and have by the grace of God been given this magical opportunity and I will cherish it through to the end!

To all of those women out there who are still longing for that miracle, I pray for you. I pray that you will remember the reason for this magical season. I pray that you will see God's grace through your pain, tears and anguish. I pray that instead of feeling sorrow because another holiday has come and gone without a child that you will feel blessed by what amazing gifts from God you already have. And I pray that in God's time, he will bless you with your own miracle. I went back and read a poem someone forwarded me right before I got pregnant the first time. I wanted to share it with you, because it carried me through for the last 6 months of my infertility.

I Give This Up To You

Lord, help me to know that You are enough. Take my eyes off of myself. Take my eyes off of the child I desire. Help me to delight myself in You. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.

Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands. Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing. Lord, You know that I still desire a baby- someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You. But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You. Let me reach out to those around me. Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.

Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home. If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan. Help me to stay submitted to my husband's will, and to Your will. If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.

Thank You for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!

Infertility has brought me closer to God than almost anything I've experienced in my life. I pray now that God has blessed me with these children that I can mold, shape and guide them to grow in God. I hope that this poem will help those of you struggling with infertility grow in God and give your burdens to him. And I hope all of your who have struggled with infertility and now have children remember those who still struggle to be where we are and lift them up that they may one day be able to experience such an amazing gift from God.


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