Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Scarlet Thread

So this is probably going to be my last pregnancy/infertility/baby blog for a while. I need to take a little break, so for all of you who follow me strictly for that reason please still read, I promise I'll try and blog about other interesting stuff.

As I'm sure you read in some of my last post Dalyn and I were diagnosed with a blighted ovum just shortly after we found out we were pregnant. We were given the option at the time to either miscarry naturally or have a D & C. Because of our impending move we decided it would probably be smarter to miscarry naturally. Well three weeks went by and still not spotting, cramping or any sign that my body was going to miscarry anytime soon. So after much nagging from family and friends I made a follow-up appointment to a new doctor here in Greenville. We went last Friday, June 17 to see the new doctor. Basically, the sac was still there and had continued to grow in size but was still empty. Again he gave us the same options. He said that he thought we had made the right decision not to do the D & C a few weeks ago but had to decide what we were emotionally ready for at this point. We made the decision that it was time for us to move forward from this and went ahead with the D & C. I'm not going to go into details but it was really painful and I had a really rough weekend recuperating. We both feel at peace with our decision and know that God has a plan although we may not understand it at this point in time.

We loved our new doctor and really made us feel comfortable and helped us through this difficult experience. He told us this story right before we left and it really gave me a lot of peace so I wanted to share it with you guys, so in case any of you are experiencing or have experienced anything similar to what we've been going through. He said that C.S. Lewis had written this passage and it explained that there was this tapestry and it had a beautiful scarlet thread woven through it. On the side you and I see it's knotted and tangled and frayed and makes no sense. But on the side God sees it's perfect and everything makes perfect sense and that one day you and I would be able to see that side and everything would be perfectly clear. But that for now it seemed that things were a knotted ugly mess. I couldn't believe how true this was. I know that everything is in God's plan right now and even through it doesn't make sense to me now, one day it will.

So with this post I'm closing a chapter on our first pregnancy. And with it I'm also going to be taking a break from blogging about infertility for a little while. While I enjoy being able to share our story with others and hopefully give people lots of hope, it's been a really rough emotional time for us and I know its not going to be over immediately. And at this point I just think it's probably better that we take a step back to see where to go with our infertility journey from here. Please continue to pray for us and our families as this has truly impacted a large number of people. Pray for our strength and guidance to get through this very difficult journey.

2 comments:

James said...

Jess, thank you for sharing your story here. I'm moved by your courage and faith, and join you and Dalyn in praying that God will grant you the desires of your hearts.

Very best,

James

Jessilyn said...

I think that is so true, god always has a plan laid out for each one of us. Yes, we may not know what it involves the struggles we may indure but it is all worth it in the end. Thank you for your story as a mother of two beautiful little girls I really hope god blesses you with this gift. Although I know that this is uncertain I hope for all the best for you. Jessica ;)