Thursday, February 25, 2010

100 Days to Go

180 days ago I started this journey and never thought it would be quite as amazing as it has been. Or nearly as easy as its been so far. Initially, I questioned if I was ready to start treatments again; I questioned if I was prepared if heartbreak should occur again; I questioned if I was meant to carry a child of my own; I questioned everything about the journey. But God gave me the most amazing peace once we started. It was just like I felt everything was meant to happen. Yet I had no idea if it really would.

So after all that here I am 100 days (realistically I know its probably more like 86 or so but we're going with 100) from the end of this amazing journey and I find myself in constant awe of this entire process. I've had an amazing pregnancy so far and loved every second of being pregnant so I'm sad to see these days start clicking away even faster but at the same time I can't wait to get my babies here healthy. Its such a bitter-sweet process. Right now I feel them with me constantly and I know I can do everything in my power to protect them and know their safe. But in 100 days I feel like I'll lose a little of that control and it scares me like crazy. I have a whole new set of crazy questions. I ask Dalyn the other night, I said 'What if I forget to feed one of them.' The laughed and assured me they wouldn't let me forget.

So as the days roll by I'm trying to savor every last memory of this pregnancy. I know that this may possibly be the last time I'm ever pregnant in my life so I want to enjoy it completely!Here's to celebrating the next 99 days to the fullest and delivering health plump little ones!!

2 comments:

Robertsons said...

Wow, you said that absolutely perfectly and you are not alone. Every mother has fears about being a mom. I actually had a panic attack the day we were supposed to go home. They dismissed me at like 8 and said I could stay until midnight if I wanted to. I finally left around 2:00 after many tears and "stupid" questions. That night, John had to call the nursery at the hospital and have a nurse tell me that it was OK to put Elizabeth down and go to sleep. I was just sure she would be too cold if I wasn't holding her wrapped in a blanket. I now know that I was being a bit crazy, but that's what mom's are, CRAZY IN LOVE!!!

Casey said...

That was beautiful, Jess! You are going to be an amazing Momma! God has made you Finley and Landry's mother for a reason....you are the perfect fit! I love you and can't wait till you can hold both of them in your arms.