Monday, February 2, 2009

Who I am today

John Quincy Adams once wrote "All that I am my mother made me."

This quote definately holds true for me and I find as I have grown over the past few years it is becoming even more true. My mother passed away four years ago today. Its strange because it seems as though I can remember it as if it were yesterday. I find that a day never passes that I do not think of her, remember her smile, her laugh or her love. She was an amazing individual but an even more amazing mother. She taught me to be the person I am today.

I was hoping to post some pictures on here today of her, since most of you never knew her but I'm sad to say that all of my pictures are still hard copies, I didn't get my first digital camera until after she had passed away. I am hoping to get something to be able to start scanning my pictures onto the computer and when that happens I will add some pictures of her on here. In the meantime I had a very special thing that I want to share that I haven't shared since the funeral. This is a small thing that I wrote for her funeral. I hope that you enjoy because this is only the second time anyone has every heard either of these.

"When my mother passed away I knew that I wanted her service to be extra special, as she was an extra special person to a lot of people. But to have a service that reflected how special my mom was, everyon that she had touched would have to speak. I can only reflect what a special person my mom was to me, but I hope that somehow it will help you know how special my mom was to me. The following is an excerpt from a book, that my mother and I never got to start or even finish reading, but I thought it was extremely appropriate.

"Every woman is a daughter and every woman has a mother. The bond of the mother and daughter relationship is so profound, so deep and long-lasting that women oftern miss thier mother's for fifty years after they are gone. Once birthed a mother/daughter relationship is perhaps immortal. Being a mother is more than a role or an outcome of biology. Mothers are not just those women who give birth to the daughters they raise. To be truly mothered teaches us how to love, how to think, how to grow into our own potential, into our own womanhood. To mother is to give of oneself, to truly see and honor another and to care for her. Thankfully in a world that brings hardship as well as joy, mothers show up in all sorts of wonderful and magical ways."

In me, my mother seen her hopes and expectations; fulfillment, perhaps of her dreams and a journey down the road not taken. From my first breath, I opened a new vista for my mother to reach beyond herself. In my mother, I saw my foundation; my history and the lives of all those women who came before me. I seen myself and understood what it meant to be a woman.

Here I am four years later, and not having her in my life hasn't gotten any easier. I certainly think about her everyday and pray that she feels like I am growing up to be the woman she would want me to be. I know she is with me everyday and guides me to make the best decisions and choices in my life. I certainly miss her and know that will never get any easier. I wish that everyone knew what an amazing person she was, but I think and hope they see her spirit still alive in me.

Mom, I love you more than words can describe! You truly have shaped me into the person I am today. 04.30.58-02.02.05

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